Sunday, March 23, 2014

Approximately 260

260 powerful, life changing and loving days spent with you by our side. Looking back the days feel short and time feels like its swirling around us threatening to sweep up our days faster than we have time to realize they’re gone. I used to think of time as the enemy in the days following our understanding of your diagnosis. They felt long. Hours felt like days and days felt like months. I was racing to the day when I could meet you wishing time would just fast forward. But in the days leading up to your surgeries I wanted nothing more than for time to slow down. Please God just slow down. I would beg, Just one more hour... just one more day.
I’ve learned to not mourn the days of the past, I’ve learned to not race backwards grabbing at time I wish I had back because that only takes away from the time I’ve been given with you now. And I am so thankful that I’ve been entrusted with 260 days with you. You see, I’ll only ever be given today. I can’t change yesterday and tomorrow is never promised. When I begin to think too far into the future overwhelming myself with the thought of more surgeries and what those days look like I’m robbing myself of the joy I could be experiencing with you now. I begin to create imaginary horrific scenario’s in my mind when I try and take on more than today, but when I realize all I’m being asked to handle is today I begin to settle back down. Time has been nothing more than a miracle for us. Time has allowed me to grow, time has allowed for YOU to grow and heal, time has allowed me to store away precious memories with you in my mind and while some may be reaching for those moments back I’m happy to say I’ve ever had that time at all. In 260 days you’ve changed me, you’ve made me become better; become stronger, more compassionate and patient. Thank you, sweet boy.

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